The Carbonarian Manifesto
or, How I Accidentally Ate the Sky
A few weeks ago, in the corner of a bodega that seemed more like a junk drawer for near-future reality than an actual tuck shop, I found a can of CumuloCream™ Whip.
At first, I thought it was a clever novelty whipped cream. But the more I examined it, the weirder it got. There was no nutritional info in the usual sense. Instead, there was a Carbon Balance Statement: “This product removes 2.4kg of CO₂ from the atmosphere during production.” And in small print, the unsettling line:
No plants. No animals. No farms.
Meet the Carbonarians
After some late-night digging through what can only be described as future internet detritus, I learned about Carbonarians1 — people who eat only agriculture-free foods. No wheat, no corn, no soy. No almond milk, no oat milk, no milk milk. Everything they consume is made entirely from atmospheric carbon pulled directly from the air, stitched together into proteins, fats, and carbs by massive “SkyReactors™” humming on the edges of cities.
This isn’t veganism. It isn’t plant-based. It’s air-based.
In this timeline, industrial farming — the last stubborn stronghold of greenhouse gas emissions — has been decommissioned. Being a Carbonarian isn’t just a diet; it’s a political act. Every meal is a micro carbon sink.
The Menu of the Future
From what I could gather, grocery aisles are lined with things like:
McNimbits™ – “I’m Lovin’ the Atmosphere™”
AtmosButter™ – “Spread the Climate Solution”2
SkyProtein™ Cuts – “The Future Has No Hoofprint”
CloudCarbs™ Loaf – “Bread Without the Field”
Even the indulgences have been reimagined. Ice cream, for example, comes as a kind of programmable foam you “print” into your own freezer unit. There’s a whole culture around pairing the right mouthfeel algorithms with the right flavor molecule packs.
A World Without Fields
At first, it’s hard to imagine food without farms. The Carbonarians seem to have an almost wistful nostalgia for dirt. Their advertisements feature rolling fields and rustic barns the way our snack brands use outer space or surfing, as a fantasy image disconnected from reality.
And yet, there’s a strange poetry to it: eating in a way that literally reverses climate change, one molecularly perfect nugget at a time.
Back to the Primeline
I didn’t eat the CumuloCream™ Whip. I couldn’t. Not yet.
But I keep it on my desk as a reminder that the future of food might not be “farm-to-table.” It might be “cloud-to-mouth.”
And if the Carbonarians are right, we’ll have to learn a new phrase to replace breaking bread. Maybe we’ll say sharing air.
If vegetarians don’t eat meat, and vegans only eat plant-based foods, what do we call people who don’t eat plants or animals? I decided on carbonarian. Think of it as one step beyond people who eat astronaut food or soylent (the real-world product not the movie gruel).
Here’s the signal that inspired this post: https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/new-updates/bill-gates-backed-startup-creates-butter-from-thin-air-and-heres-how-it-is-an-eco-friendly-option/articleshow/111842426.cms
Great read. I shared it among some faculty colleagues from our industrial design department. Thank you Dré!
I want my nitrogen burguer.