Today’s Workit Wednesday was yet another speed run. It’s tempting for me to dig deep into trying to develop the perfect design fiction, but after a meeting I had with friends at the Near Future Laboratory today, I’m bubbling with excitement with a fresh set of ideas to work on. So this week’s entry is all about gettin’ er done.

Onto the cards. This week’s random assortment consists of a research paper about a puppy that includes democratization, pre-digital and DIY.

My first brainstorm ticked all the boxes. The short version is that it’s a paper about a study for an experimental at-home puppy training method that will train it to distribute its affection amongst all family members equally. Basically, so the puppy doesn’t have a favourite person.

In the end I was underwhelmed by its lack of futury’ness, so I turned the pre-digital card over and decided my furry buddy needed a brain implant. Now we’re cooking with hydrogen briquettes!

So here we are, imagining what Papa Elon’s Brain Chip might be used for when he’s done killing pigs with it. Of course it’ll end up in pets before it settles into human skulls, and here’s a perfect example. Behavioral training with NeuralLink’s project Cesar. But first we need to do some more research, and here’s the abstract I found printed at the local Neteranarian’s office.

Exploring the Impact of NeuralLink Implant Technology on a Puppy’s Social Behaviors in a Home Environment

This paper presents the results of a study that explored the impact of NeuralLink implant technology on a puppy’s social behaviors in a home environment. NeuralLink implants are a type of technology that allow for the direct connection of a brain to a computer system and were used in this study to facilitate neuralogical training of the puppy. The aim of the study was to assess whether NeuralLink implants could be used to train a puppy to distribute its affection and cuddles equitably among all family members, leaving no one person as the favorite.

The study was conducted over the course of three months and involved a randomly chosen family of five members. The puppy, who was between the ages of 8 and 12 weeks at the start of the study, was fitted with the NeuralLink implants and trained over the course of the study. The primary outcome measure was the family members’ subjective reports of the puppy’s level of affection, cuddles, and attention.

The results of the study suggest that NeuralLink implant technology can be used to successfully train a puppy to distribute its affection and cuddles equitably among all family members. At the end of the study, all family members reported feeling equally loved and cuddled by the puppy, indicating that the training had been successful.

In conclusion, this study has demonstrated that NeuralLink implant technology can be successfully used to train a puppy to distribute its affection and cuddles equitably among all family members. The results of this study suggest that NeuralLink could be a viable and valuable tool for controlling and training social behavior in companion animals.