ET Finally Phones Home

Earth Responds with 'New Phone, Who Dis?'

Even in my primeline, where aliens have officially received the blue-tick verification of existence, the collective response of the populace was a resounding "meh". Whether we chalk it up to a steady diet of outrageous conspiracy theories, unchecked disinformation, or the crumbling faith in the powers that be, the exciting revelation of extraterrestrial life is met with a cosmic shrug. It seems that the arrival of otherworldly beings doesn't pack quite the punch when weighed against the latest dank memes.

Feeling a pang of cosmic curiosity, I clambered into the janky time machine and punched in the coordinates for ground zero. Imagine my surprise when I found the once super-secret Walker Air Force Base had undergone quite the facelift. It now boasts a shiny new public persona as an alien-themed amusement park. Unlike the other tourist traps littered across the area, this one does more than just talk a big game. Here, you can lay your eyes on, get your hands on, and even cozy up in the pilot seat of the alien tech that's been stashed away from prying eyes for nearly a century.

So next time you're aimlessly scrolling, spare a thought for our extraterrestrial neighbours. After all, they've traveled a long way for a bit of your attention.